JOKES TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

JESUS ENTERED JERUSALEM

there was a man who was taking his bath with his 5 years old son, when the son saw the fathers thing he asked, daddy!! what is this and the father said is jesus. and the mother was taking her bath with the son also,the son ask the same question and the mother told him that it was jerusalem. so the answer was stressing the boy out that he could not  sleep in the night, so he went to his father's room and saw his father and his mother having sex so he stood and watched. when his mother took notice she ask, junior!! how long have you been here he said i was here since jesus entered jerusalem!!





AN OBEDIENT GIRL

There was this girl that loved to climb on the mango tree to get some fruits. And whenever she climbed up the tree some silly guys came under to stare at her under pants. These made the girl furious. So, she reported this to her mom when she got home. So, her mom adviced her, "don't allow them to look at you pant again Ok?." And the girl replied- yes mommy. So, she went back to the tree and these boys came under to look at her under pants again. The smart little girl remembered her mother's advice, came down from the tree, took of her under pants and went back up. So that the boys wouldn't see her under pant. :)


TWINS

Twins talking inside mothers womb,

Twins 1: The place is shaking. Daddy's here again. He's early today?

Twins 2: Shhh! quiet, thats not daddy, daddy does'nt wear a raincoat


YOUR CHEEKY SISTER

Your cheeky sister is so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she is so stupid she sits on the TV to watch the couch.

she is so stupid she puts lipstick on her forehead thinking that she is going to make-up her mind.

she is so stupid she thinks Nigeria is the capital of Accra.

she is so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone.

in fact your cheeky sister is soooo stuupiiid when she was asked to take bus number 22 to the city, she took bus number 11 twice.

A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and the only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"

One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered!"

young boy rushed to his mother and told her excitedly..."Mummy, Mummy!, come quickly! There is a strange man playing with the house maid in her room.

His mother stood up in anger.

"In my house?! Abi this girl craze! Ewo! If na true junior de talk I go kill this girl today"!

She stormed down the hall to confront the maid but when she got to the door, junior who had been trying to play a joke on his mum screamed with glee...

"April Fool Mum!, It's only Daddy playing with the house maid!"

During testimony time in a church, a woman came forward to share her experience.

"Praise the Lord. I say praise the Lord."

"For about six months now, I have been suffering from sleeplessness. I have gone to many doctors and they've given me several drugs which have failed to work"

"Praise the Lord"

"Hmm, one day I came to this church and while the Pastor was preaching, he said 'if you have any problem, just pick your bible and read and God will heal you'"

"That night, I picked my bible and wanted to read it when I just fell asleep!"

"So I want to advise everyone here that if you can't sleep at night, simply pick your bible to read!"

You needed to be there to see the way people nearly fell over each other while laughing.

I did not come to England to take pictures of Big Ben or tour London Bridge. I just wanted to get paid and get even with those colonials. With a name like Ogundele Kayode Omobrukutu, I could not even buy a buspass let alone open a bank account.

This is my story...

It took me 6 months to study the system, but I still could not figure out my squares and circus's. I could not travel from Leicester Circus to Oxford Square without getting lost. I was a YMCA (Young Money Chasing African) when I joined the FRAUD (Fine Rich Africans United in Deals).

It took me 3 months to attain my ACCA (Advanced Certificate for Criminal Africans) and I needed an MBA (Major Bank Account) to do my first HND (Heavy Nigerian Deal). I arranged to meet this guy at Animal and Something, I mean Elephant and Castle. We were supposed to meet at 10.00am. I got there at 11.30am and he turned up at 1.30pm. He pulled up in a Mercedes 500SL with a private number plate - 419 ADE.

He was a definite Nigerian, he had it all - leather jacket in summer, air condition on full blast with his roof and windows down whilst smoking cigar and choking on his smoke just to impress me.

Being a fellow Nigerian I was more than impressed. He introduced himself as Adepujo Kunle Babatunde and asked me to call him Ade or Babs. He spoke with a strong Nigerian accent but he messed the whole language up by slanging - he sounded like a Canadian born Chinese living in Germany and studying French. I had not been in the country for long but I could tell that Omo (my man) was trying hard to be British.

After hanging with Ade for about 2 months I became an OBE (Opportunist Bank Employee) and specialised in BBC (Breaking Bank Codes). Money was flowing and I wanted more so I did my PhD (Passport Handling Degree) and became an FBI (Fraudster Bringing Immigrants).

My status changed drastically...., I had a BMW 328is convertible and a Porsche 911 with a private plate - 911 OMO and living in a council flat and signing on.

I went to Moonlighting every Friday and drank champagne and danced to music supplied by DJ Pace and Skills. I became foolish - I remember one night I spent over a 1000 pounds on just champagne at the club and had no money for petrol so I walked home.

My downfall....

Greed and selfishness inevitably led to my downfall - I got involved with a CIA (Cash Investing Agent) and we did a couple of GMTs (Good Money Transfers) but he later turned out to be a CID (Cop in Disguise). I was under surveillance and I did not even know. I left the NHS (Nigerian Housing Scheme) early that morning with about 12 different cheque books to go and do my business.

They followed me unto the high road and it was then it hit me that something was wrong. I could not leave all that evidence in my car so I started chewing my cheque books. I ate 8 before they pulled me over. P>They read me my rights and all that crap and all I could say was - OGA WATER!!!! PLEEAASE WATER!!!

You know how suspicious Nigerians are.

One day a man was asking this man from Nigeria some questions about Nigeria. Whatever he asked the Nigerian was being answered with another question as the Nigerian was suspicious of the man asking him these numerous questions.

Finally, the man gave up and asked the Nigerian his final question hoping to get an answer. Is it true that you Nigerians are always very suspicious and always answer a question with question?

The Nigerian replied, "who told you that?

A week before my wedding to Funke, a young beautiful Yoruba girl, I was summoned by her equally beautiful Mother, Mama Funke, my soon to be mother in-law.

I was asked to come over to her house ASAP and I obliged by rushing over to her house on Victoria Island.

I arrived to find my soon to be new Mother in-Law scantily clad and lying on the sofa asking me to come join her.

After I informed her that I was uncomfortable with her request and that she must be forgetting that I was about to marry Funke her only daughter, I was re-assured that I did not have to worry about all that. She assured me that my affair with her would be handled with the utmost secrecy and besides, I was reminded that she was every man's fantasy!

After a brief pause, I bolted out the door like a "Bat Outta Hell" rushing towards my car where I found her Husband, Baba Funke, my soon to be new Father In-Law, sitting on the hood of my car. Needless to say, I was stunned!

He stood up, hugged me, applauded me and told me her was proud of me and now truly confident that his only daughter made the right choice in picking me as her intended husband. He told me that he put his wife Mama Funke up to testing me by inviting me over for an affair.

Phew!!!, I sighed as I drove away thanking my stars that he stopped me before I got to my private stash of condoms that I was gunning for in the boot of my car!!!